


Off on a 'haunted' hayride

by magical_octopus333



Series: Spooky Milo Murphy's Law Stories [3]
Category: Milo Murphy's Law
Genre: Gen, I don't quite know how to tag things, Spooky, ketchup man!, not quite fluff but lighthearted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:47:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27445102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magical_octopus333/pseuds/magical_octopus333
Summary: Based on the prompt,I’m on this ghost tour and my guide is really hot and no one has ever looked sexier in hoaky Victorian wearIt started on that, but I lost sight of that to have a good Dakota moment.
Relationships: Balthazar Cavendish & Vinnie Dakota & Heinz Doofenshmirtz, Milo Murphy & Sara Murphy, Vinnie Dakota & Heinz Doofenshmirtz
Series: Spooky Milo Murphy's Law Stories [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1526420
Kudos: 3





	Off on a 'haunted' hayride

“Come on, Ketchup man!”

“I told you to stop calling me that!”

“What d’ya expect with a name like yours, _Heinz_?”

Heinz huffed, shaking his head at his friend. Said friend who reluctantly joined him at the mention of free food. 

“Should I make jokes about you being a German victory?”

Dakota stopped walking on the sidewalk to fully turn towards Doofenshmirtz, giving him a questioning look through his thick shades.

“You know,” Doofenshmirtz continued, “a ‘vin’, like a ‘vinner’- you see, they pronounce their w’s like v’s and-”

“And that was your best idea for a nickname. Wha’ about Vin Diesel, hm? You could call me Vin diesel, Doof!”

“I’d only call you that if you were gassy…” Doofenshmirtz replied as he kept walking, only to stop when he found his friend had stopped following. 

Dakota stared up at the little antique shop sign, with Halloween paraphernalia standing in the window. One of which he pointed out to a curious Doof. 

“You think Sav would get a kick out of that creepy doll right here?”

“Kick yes, but I don’t think it’d be a good kick. More like a shin kick.”

“Perfect. This is the place, right?” 

Doofenshmirtz nodded, looking slightly nervous as they stood outside the building. 

“So let’s go in, okay?” Dakota said, patting a hand on Doof’s back. Doof, being graceful as always, launched at least a foot in the air. He didn’t have a ruler, but Dakota was sure you could a couple hoagies in that jump. 

The man sighed, pushing his shades further up his nose

“I don’t think this ghost tour will actually be haunted, you know. Probably a bunch of Hocus Pocus- ha!”  
“Is that some sort of reference?” Doof asked, following Dakota into the small shop. Dakota chuckled and shook his head. 

“What, were you raised in a cave?”

“I don’t remember telling you about the ocelots!” Doof exclaimed, ducking out of the way as a small boy burst passed, followed by someone in a gorilla costume. He turned just in time to catch the glass plate that had started to fall. 

“We really need to have a movie binge tomorrow of all the halloween classics” Dakota chuckled, plucking the plate from Doof to place it on one of the tables. 

The pair began to circle the room, investigating the weird yet wonderful selection of items on the floor as more people filtered in for the tour. 

It was said to be a Danville tradition, this tour. How many times could you ride a real hayride down the streets. Actually, more often than you’d think, but it was still a cool treat. Had all the fixings to be fun for kids and adults.

It eventually reached six o’clock, with the sun already dipping down lower and lower, staining the sky in pinks and purples. The lights in the shop flickered, causing gasps to go through the crowd. 

Doofenshmirtz shrunk in on himself, moving closer to his unperturbed friend. 

“Psst!” 

Doof looked around for the noise, eyes lighting upon a young boy in an suit with an odd mash of accessories. If one can call a gift box for a hand an accessory, that is. 

“Don’t worry!” the boy staged whispered “Thats to say the tour is about to begin!”

“Right you are!” A voice called out, a man bursting out from the beaded curtain that led to the backroom assumably. Dressed in victorian wear and painted white- unless he truly was that pale, was a man who seemed more fit to be knitting or doing something more quiet. 

“Ladies and Gentlemen, do not be alarmed! I’ve had my blood for the evening, your necks are safe… “ He chuckled, an attempt at menacingly, “... for now” 

The patrons of the store chuckled, but Dakota was a little gobsmacked, to put it lightly. His eyes followed that pale spector with his dark cape as he fluttered through the room, giving what he only assumed was the safety spiel. Doofenshmirtz was taking notes- fitting, he was dressed up like Sherlock Holmes this year. The man almost made that hoaky victorian costume look good. Almost.

He shook the thought from his head, planning to look at Doof’s notes when they got outside. He tuned back in, as their leader was ending his spiel.

“And that, gentlemen and ladies, is why we must keep our limbs, tentacle or humanoid, inside these carts at all times. Now, if we are all ready, let us adjourn to our carriages and arrange the seating…. Follow me, if you dare!”

He pulled the cape dramatically as he turned, smacking himself in the face with the beaded curtain, to the crowds delight. 

The group followed, Doofenshmirtz and Dakota hanging towards the back with those two kids. The girl seemed nervous through the clock head, but the boy didn’t seem to care at all. Once outside, Dakota thought she’d relax. 

“So, “ Dakota began, startling the girl. “What are you kiddos dressed up as?”

Her eyes lit up, her smile still seen through the netted clock face as she turned to him, her brother looking up as well. 

“We’re time travelers from a TV show called Doctor Zone!” she answered proudly, thumping a gorilla hand against her chest. “I’m Time Ape, and my little brother is Doctor Zone!” 

“Would you look at that!” Dakota exclaimed, patting Doof on the back. 

“I’m not the only one dressed as a time traveller here. Although, mine isn’t as detailed and cool as you kiddos is!” 

The kids smiled, the elder one relaxing more and more. Dakota kept talking with them as the carts were pulled in and docked, asking about the show they loved. 

“Wow, you two really know a lot ‘bout this old show, huh!”

“Yeah!” the boy cheered. He pointed to his sister. “She runs the Doctor Zone fan club in her middle school!” He spoke proudly. “I want to be club president for my school, but my elementary school doesn’t do that…” 

“Aww,” Dakota replied, reaching out to pat his little tophat. “Well, when you get into middle school, I’m sure you’ll be a great club president, like your sister is now.” The boy cheered up, fixing his hat upon his head. 

“Yeah! They’ll cheer, Milo Murphy for Club Leader! I shall be their leader!”

“AHA!”, another boy yelled, pointing at Milo. “It's you!”

“Hi Bradley!” Milo spoke, waving cheerfully at the boy stomping over to their little group. 

“Ugh, why did you have to come here!” He said, pouting. If he wasn’t such a brat, it would almost be cute. 

“We didn’t have to- we wanted to! I heard it's a real gas!”

“Gas?!?” A man called, looking around terrified. 

“Don’t worry, it's just a metaphor!” Milo called, cupping his hands around his mouth. This did not seem to ease the man, who had seemed to flee the group, followed by his wife and kids.

“For now it is!” Bradley continued, glaring at Milo. “Your dad is Martin Murphy! You get his… thing from him! You’ll ruin everything!”

Some of the parents seemed to be staring at them now, a mix of worried looks to annoyed glares. Sarah seemed scared as she grabbed hold of her little brother, pulling him closer to her. 

“Maybe we should go, Milo…” she whispered, slowly backing away from the crowd.

“Now, just wait a second!” Dakota replied, shocked. “This is a free ride, free for _everyone_ , no matter who their parents are!” He glared back at the rest of the crowd, offering his hand to Sarah. He felt her gorilla suit hand fall into his without looking. 

He smiled dangerously at the crowd. “If you don’t like it, you all can leave!” 

“Yeah! I’m in this too!”, Doof called, putting his hand on Sarah’s gorilla shoulder. “Is this foam? Did you make this??” 

Some of the crowd stormed off, others creeped away, leaving a modest group in the parking lot by the two carts. 

“Well, that was probably for the best,” their tour guide spoke, coming upon them on horse. “It seems the little cars we had to pull the carts had ran out of fuel. Well, my coworker will have the other horse here in a jiffy, and we will only have two carts- one to lead and one to follow. Young man and young… disfigured gorilla?”

“Close enough!”

“You can ride in my cart. I don’t find it wise to judge one just by their family or lineage. Or else, I’d be a pickle farmer!” 

The group split up- Most of the group going with the young man dressed as a cowboy. That left Dakota, Doofenshmirtz, the two Murphy kids, and their tour leader in the first cart. Their driver mostly minded his horses and his business, leaving the group to idly chat. 

“So what's your name, Mr tour guide?” Milo asked, laying in the pile of hay. His hat had gotten lost in the hay, it appeared. 

“Oh, I knew I forgot something in my spiel this year! Balthazar Cavendish, at your service. I’d tip my hat to you, but today is the one night a year I don’t wear it. 

“Really?” Dakota asked, munching on the pretzels he had brought with him.  
“Yes, I- are you eating? Didn’t you listen to the spiel I gave?”

Dakota ducked his head, looking at the pretzels. “I, uh, got distracted.”

“Here, Curly, look over the notes I took!” Doof spoke, pulling his notepad from his jacket and handing it to Dakota- when a raven flew through and snatched it from his hand. 

“Hey!” Doof squawked, sitting up from the hay he was nestled in, shaking his fist at the bird. “That cost me a dollar, bird!! You owe me a dollar now!!” 

“By Jove, that was rather odd, wasn’t it!” Cavendish spoke, watching as the bird flew off into the night. 

“Sorry about that…” Milo spoke, making a hay-angel where he laid. 

“What on earth are you apologizing for, boy?”

“I’m a Murphy…”

“And I’m a Dakota, whats wrong with that.”

Milo chuckled, sitting up. “Like Murphy’s law…” 

“Anything that can happen”, Sarah began.

“Will happen!” Milo finished, looking quite proud of himself. 

“AND SOMETHING WILL CATCH ON FIRE AND MELT YOUR ICECREAM!”

Bradley yelled from the other cart. 

“Will I get in trouble if I throw a pretzel at him?”

“The kid is being a dummkopf…” Heinz whispered. 

“Watch your language, sir!” Cavendish reprimanded, one bony finger pointed at him. 

“Fine, the kids being a blockhead- better?”

“It's in english now, at least… I’ve been learning German living with you, Doof. You’re a terrible roommate.”

“So are you!” 

“I know, but at least I don’t make you learn stuff… Ketchup man!”

Milo and Sarah chuckled at that, while Heinz turned the color of his nickname. 

The ride went on without a hitch once it began. Well, until the horses got spooked on the first cart, but Cavendish kept on giving the tour, as they went through more spooky areas of the town. Alligator swamp is very spooky, you know! Especially in a careening cart spewing hay everywhere it went. 

The ride ended safely- somehow- back at the little store, where the other cart was still unloading passengers. 

“That was really fun!” Milo hollered as Dakota helped lift him out of the cart. 

Sarah agreed, following Milo out of the cart with minor assistance from Cavendish. “Next year, we’ll bring more lucky talismans with us! Three rabbits feet a piece wasn’t enough!”

“Do you kids want Doof and I to walk you home? I know Danville is pretty safe but-”

“Oh, don’t worry!” Sarah replied. “Our mom will be picking us up. Dad would, but he broke both elbows last month.”

“Blimey! How did he manage that?” Cavendish asked, fishing Milo’s hat out of the cart. 

“He tried to wash the car.” 

“Ah…”

Just then, a car pulled up and the pair turned to wave at the woman inside with the short blonde hair. “Thats our ride! Thank you for the tour, Mr Cavendish! We’d stay for the pizza, but-” 

“Come on kids, the Doctor Zone marathon starts in less than an hour!” 

With that, the kids ran off, and the adults went inside to enjoy pizza and chatting. And so comes the end of our tale, with Dakota wolfing down pizza to Doofenshmirtz cheers and Cavendish’s disgust. And Doof still gets called Ketchup man to this day now!

**Author's Note:**

> "Hey, stop calling me that!"
> 
> What did you think? It was late, but I found some lovely comments on another spooky fic of mine and couldn't help myself. Let me know in the comments below, and thank you for reading.  
> And I didn't mention it, but Bradly is definitely dressed as ice cream.   
> Also, let me know if you're still in the mood for spooky content, I will do any prompt from this list https://magical-octopus.tumblr.com/post/130965733325/spoopy-halloween-aus-for-ur-otp


End file.
